nidhi

Having spent the last few weeks under the weather, and following my recent reflections on accessing healthcare, I wanted to delve deeper into the unique challenges of being autistic and navigating health. While accessing healthcare is often a hurdle, the initial challenge for me is something even more fundamental: actually identifying when something is wrong. Why is this so difficult? After reflecting, I’ve identified two significant factors: rejection sensitivity and interoception difficulties. 1️⃣ Rejection sensitivity can make navigating health concerns deeply anxiety-inducing. The fear of being misunderstood or dismissed often leads to a cycle of second-guessing myself.  Thoughts like: 💬 "What if I'm not actually ill and people think I'm pretending?"  💬 "Everyone feels this way, so maybe I’m overreacting"  For autistic individuals, this fear isn't just about others' perceptions but also a struggle to validate our own experience. This sensitivity can result in delays in seeking medical attention or downplaying symptoms when speaking to healthcare providers. It also creates a high emotional toll, feeling like I must “prove” the legitimacy of my experience or brace myself for skepticism. 2️⃣ Interoception, the sense of interpreting internal bodily signs, is another key challenge. This can lead to feeling “off” or “weird” without being able to articulate why. Am I hungry, tired, in pain, or just overwhelmed? I often can’t decipher.  This disconnect makes it harder to communicate symptoms or even act on them. I’ve had moments where I’ve hesitated to visit a doctor simply because I couldn’t articulate what was wrong. After all, saying “I don’t feel right, but I can’t explain why” doesn’t always inspire urgency or understanding from healthcare professionals. 💫 Having a diagnosis has been instrumental in helping me understand and identify my behaviours and thought patterns. Over time, I’ve started to find strategies that help, like journaling symptoms, reflecting on patterns, and being more compassionate with myself when things feel uncertain.  I am also learning to ask for help - something I’m very much still working on. It’s not always easy, but I’m starting to see it as a way to grow rather than a sign of weakness. Sometimes, it’s as simple as sharing how I’m feeling and hearing a different perspective, or even taking a step back to ask myself what I truly need in the moment. Does this resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences in the comments.  #BehindTheSmiles #ActuallyAutistic #RejectionSensitivity #Interoception #Healthcare

I know I’m not alone in this, but if you’re wondering why a medical student, soon to join the NHS workforce, feels reluctant to use healthcare services herself - here’s why: While I could blame it on executive dysfunction - struggling to organise myself and figure out if I’ll even be free for an appointment three weeks from now - or the anxiety of calling a GP practice after days of overthinking, only to be met with a cold, questioning receptionist, those are surface-level barriers. The real reason runs deeper. Every time I disclose my autism diagnosis, I’m met with responses like: 🗣️“What does that really mean - you’re autistic? How?” 🗣️“But it doesn’t really affect you, does it?” 🗣️”But it’s just a little… right?” 🗣️“Who says this? I can’t see anything on your record.” Despite informing the practice multiple times, I’m forced to repeatedly validate my diagnosis, my experiences, and even my need for care to strangers who question my reality. When I’m at my most vulnerable, when I’ve finally mustered the courage to reach out for help, the emotional exhaustion of justifying myself makes it unbearable. I already spend so much energy navigating a world that isn’t designed for people like me. In those moments, I simply can’t fight that battle again. This isn’t just about me. It’s about the systemic barriers faced by countless individuals who feel unseen, unheard, or invalidated in healthcare settings. As someone training to join this system, it breaks my heart to know I’m not alone in this experience. We talk about inclusivity in healthcare, but true inclusivity means more than policies, it’s about attitudes, awareness, and understanding. It’s about creating a space where patients feel safe to share their truths without fear of dismissal. So, I ask: 💭Are we doing enough to make healthcare accessible to everyone, including neurodivergent individuals? 💭How can we better educate healthcare professionals to approach patients with empathy and understanding, especially when their experiences fall outside the “norm”? This post isn’t meant to be a critique of individuals but a call for reflection and action. As a future doctor, I hope to be part of the change, but that change requires a collective effort. #BehindTheSmiles #Autism #AutisticPatient #Neurodiversity #NeurodiversityInHealthcare #NHS #InclusivityInHealthcare

The past few weeks have been challenging. Balancing medical school, Behind The Smiles, running, social commitments, and the demands of everyday life has left me feeling like I was constantly chasing my tail. Eventually, my body and mind decided enough was enough. During this time, I found myself grappling with feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome - a struggle I know many can relate to. Whether it’s questioning if I’m clever enough to be in medical school, 'neurodivergent enough' to share my experiences, or capable enough to pursue my goals in sport, the self-doubt has felt overwhelming. Compounding this has been the familiar challenge of ADHD inertia - the frustrating state of wanting to take action or get back to feeling like myself but not quite knowing how to begin. It’s a cycle that can feel paralysing, leaving you stuck in place despite your best intentions. Today, however, I received a simple yet powerful message from a friend: “Forever proud of you.” That message stopped me in my tracks. It reminded me to pause and reflect - not on what I haven’t done, but on what I have achieved. Despite the challenges, I’ve continued to make progress, and that is worth celebrating. As we begin a new month, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on your own journey. Acknowledge how far you’ve come, however small the steps may feel, and remember that your worth isn’t defined by comparison to others. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments and if you can relate to any part of this journey. #BehindTheSmiles #Resilience #ImposterSyndrome #ADHDInertia #Neurodiversity #MedicalStudentJourney #ReflectionAndGrowth

As I’ve been easing back into the gym, I’ve realised how much it means to me to be able to take this step—especially because it’s been such a hurdle for so long. It may sound silly, but I think a lot of us, especially women, can feel really out of place in the gym. For me, walking into a gym feels like entering a space where I don’t belong. It’s a mix of anxiety and self-consciousness, and it’s not helped by the fact that I’m often one of the only women there. Add on some awkward encounters with guys trying to chat me up during my workout or giving unsolicited advice, and it makes the whole experience even more overwhelming. Even when they mean well, it just adds to the stress. The other day though, something interesting happened. I was using one of the machines when a guy came up to me and asked how many sets I had left. He asked if he could jump in when I was done. Normally, this would throw me off completely. I’d usually just give up the machine, avoid any confrontation, and quietly leave because, let's be real, I already feel anxious just being there. But for the first time ever, I didn’t leave. I looked at him, said, "Sure, we can share the machine," and stayed. I did my sets, we shared the equipment, and I didn’t feel the need to disappear. It might sound like a small thing, but for me, it was huge. The gym has always been an intimidating place for me, but this moment felt like a breakthrough. It was a small win, but it was a reminder that progress comes in all forms. I stayed in my space, stood my ground, and left feeling like I’d taken a big step toward owning my confidence in a place that used to make me feel so small. So to anyone who’s struggling with gym anxiety or feeling out of place somewhere, remember—it’s okay to take small steps. Those steps add up. Be proud of every bit of progress, no matter how small it might seem. Your space is valid, and you have every right to feel confident in it. 💖 #behindthesmiles #neurodivergent #gymanxiety #smallwins #confidence #progress #mentalhealth #inclusion #yougotthis #facingfears

Sometimes I wonder if things are 'people things,' 'girlie-pops things,' 'neurodivergent things,' or just 'Nidhi things'—and today was one of those days. Since moving to my new flat in April, I’ve been stuck in what I can only describe as AUDHD inertia. You know, that state where you know something needs to get done, but somehow you just can’t bring yourself to do it? Yeah, that’s been me with ending my old gym membership and getting a new one. Gym anxiety has played a big part in it. It’s always been tough for me to settle into a new gym, and just as I was getting comfortable at my old one, I had to move. On top of that, I’ve been dealing with an injury that’s kept me from running—my go-to workout—and it's been driving me absolutely mad not being able to release that energy. So, here we are, six months later, and I finally got it sorted! 🎉 And guess what? Not only did I sign up for a new membership, but I actually went to the gym today! 🙌 It may not seem like a big deal, but walking through those gym doors took so much out of me. I was terrified. I could feel my heart pounding, but I blasted my comfort music and focused on what I love—pull day! 💪 It felt SO good to be back, and I didn’t realise how much I missed it until I was there. Sometimes the hardest part really is just starting, but once you get over that hump, it’s such a relief. So if you’ve been putting something off, whatever it is—whether it’s signing up for a class, finishing a project, or even just making that one phone call—this is your sign to do it. You’ve got this! Proud of you, proud of me. 😅💖 #behindthesmiles #neurodivergent #gymanxiety #smallwins #confidence #progress #mentalhealth #inclusion #yougotthis #facingfears

Inspired by Tania Martin’s recent post, as this year's GCSE exams are beginning, I find myself too reflecting on my own journey through them, which was perhaps the most challenging period of my academic life. For months, I was submerged in revision, trying to memorise immense amounts of information that felt disconnected from both my interests and the real world. The constant emphasis on grades and performance led me to question my worth and abilities, pushing my mental health to its lowest point. It was a time of stress and anxiety, where my self-esteem was tied to how much I could remember and reproduce under exam conditions. This traditional exam setup, often does not accommodate the varied needs of neurodivergent individuals. For many of us, trying to fit into a system that does not see the world as we do can only increase stress and affect the mental health of neurodivergent individuals in a very negative way. Despite these challenges, I want to remind parents and students, especially those who are neurodivergent, that GCSEs are just one step in our larger educational journey. They do not define your entire future or limit your potential for success. It’s crucial to acknowledge that exams aren’t the best measure for everyone, and that is perfectly okay. I share this not to take away the hard work of those who thrive in this system, but in my journey, I’ve learned the importance of recognising and embracing different strengths. Whether you excel in a traditional classroom or not, your unique talents and perspectives are needed in the world. As we progress, educational systems must strive to recognise and foster diverse forms of intelligence and creativity to accommodate all learners. To everyone facing exams now or in the future, know that it's okay to feel overwhelmed. What’s more important is to take care of your mental health, seek support when needed, and pursue your passions relentlessly, regardless of the grades you receive. Our paths are as unique as our fingerprints, and true success comes in many forms. #behindthesmiles #neurodiversity #neuroinclusion #gcses

I’m thrilled to share my first guest appearance on the podcast Empower Sounds! It was a pleasure to chat with Maahika Singh about my journey as the Founder of Behind The Smiles, including my experiences with being diagnosed as autistic and ADHD. Key Takeaways: 📎 Diagnosis Journey: I opened up about my path to diagnosis, the challenges I faced, and how it brought clarity to my experiences and struggles. 🏡 Early Struggles: I discussed my challenges with sensory processing disorder and how lockdown became a turning point in my neurodiversity journey. 👩👩👦👦 Impact on Family and Friends: I talked about how my diagnosis affected my relationships, fostering deeper understanding with loved ones while also navigating initial confusion and misconceptions. 💌 Behind The Smiles: I shared the significance of the name and the work we’re doing to support neurodivergent individuals, focusing on the importance of authenticity and connection. 👫 Gender Differences in Autism: We explored how autism presents differently in females versus males, societal perceptions, and my navigation of bias before and after my diagnosis. 🧚♀️ Neurodivergent Woman of Color: I spoke about the unique challenges and perspectives I face as a neurodivergent woman of color, highlighting the intersectionality of my identity. 💡 Embracing Authenticity: I shared practical tips for preventing burnout and managing boundaries, emphasizing the importance of breaking the mask of always appearing "okay." 👩🎓 Navigating University: I addressed the unique challenges I face as an autistic woman, including time blindness, sensory difficulties, and building a supportive community. 🏃 The @nidsruns Journey: I highlighted my mission to inspire neurodivergent individuals in sport and how physical activity has become a powerful outlet for managing anxiety. I’m also excited to raise funds for the The National Autistic Society as I prepare for the London Marathon 2025. Tune in for an empowering conversation about breaking barriers, embracing neurodiversity, and living authentically! 💕 🔗 Spotify: https://lnkd.in/dd5vnMv5 🔗 Apple podcast: https://lnkd.in/dJTkdjwb #Neurodiversity #AutismAwareness #ADHDAwareness #BehindTheSmiles #Empowerment #Neurodivergent #WomenOfColor #BreakingBarriers #MentalHealthMatters #LondonMarathon2025 #PodcastGuest #EmpowerSounds

When ChatGPT was first released, I was admittedly sceptical. As someone who is autistic, I often feel anxious about new tools and technologies, and if I’m honest, I’ve always been a bit resistant to change. However, over the past year, ChatGPT has become more than just a useful tool—it’s been a true game-changer in my life. Living with ADHD means my thoughts are often chaotic, jumping from one thing to the next, making it difficult to organise my day or complete tasks. ChatGPT has become my go-to for helping to arrange that chaos. It helps me break down overwhelming projects into smaller, manageable tasks and plan my day around time blindness. It provides a sense of structure when I’m struggling to see the bigger picture, making it easier for me to stay on track. One of the most significant ways it has helped is by reducing the effects of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), something that can make even small tasks feel like an impossible burden. By using ChatGPT to write emails or draft responses, I’ve been able to reduce the mental load and resistance that comes with tasks that would otherwise cause anxiety. It helps me get started when inertia feels like a wall I can’t get past. The ability to type out a prompt and get immediate, clear responses has drastically reduced the friction I experience in everyday tasks. For those of us who are neurodivergent, these kinds of struggles are all too familiar. But the beauty of ChatGPT is that it doesn’t just “assist”—it adapts to our unique ways of thinking. Whether it’s helping with: 🧠Organising thoughts that feel scattered 🧠Managing time and reducing the impact of time blindness 🧠Breaking down tasks into smaller, achievable goals 🧠Drafting emails or other communications, reducing anxiety and demand avoidance 🧠Overcoming inertia and getting started on tasks that feel impossible 🧠Offering suggestions when we feel stuck or overwhelmed It’s a powerful tool for navigating a world that often feels built for neurotypical minds. ChatGPT acts as a resource to help us thrive in this ever-challenging world, and that’s why it has been so impactful for me personally. I hope more neurodivergent individuals feel empowered to explore AI tools like this. It’s okay to be sceptical at first—I was too. But for me, it has truly been life-changing, and I believe it can help so many others who face similar challenges. Don’t shy away from trying out a tool that could make a difference in your life—you never know how it might help! 💡✨ #BehindTheSmiles #AI #Neurodiversity #ADHD #Autism #Productivity #PathologicalDemandAvoidance #TimeBlindness #ChatGPT #AIForGood #Neurodivergent